my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
