Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
