Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
