It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
