Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
