I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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