mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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