Kiss
Puke
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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