Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
