so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
