im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
