I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
