my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
