so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
