you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
