Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
