we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
