haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
