i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize