The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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