He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
