We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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