I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
