he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
