I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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