Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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