totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
