god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
