How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize