My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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