This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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