is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
