A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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