Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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