i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
