4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
