lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
