I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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