He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They have beer where we have blood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
