I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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