Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
