He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
