i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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