I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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