do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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