even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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