So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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