it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
