were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
