no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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