My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
