I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i have two assholes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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