i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
