the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
