your parents love me but you hate me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
