his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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