question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
