I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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