return my video game
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
