If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
