Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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