I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
