if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
