Christians are straight up FREAKS
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
