life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
