is your mom at the bar?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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