Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
