where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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