How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All the doctor said was why
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
