i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
