I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
