nut hugger
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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