So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
